Release: Thursday, November 15, 2018 →Starbucks/my house Written by: fate, apparently Directed by: meteorological patterns, a.k.a. Winter Storm Avery Avery is a little independent drama that showed up in northeastern New Jersey/Pennsylvania, seemingly out of nowhere. With the potential to drop anything from 4 to 7 inches of early-season crud as well as freezing rain/ice accumulations … Continue reading Avery
#rant
Sicario 2: Day of the Soldado
Release: Friday, June 29, 2018 →Theater Written by: Taylor Sheridan Directed by: Stefano Sollima I need to file a complaint. Sicario 2: Day of the Soldado is an eyesore of a title. It is an awkward concession, the plasticine product of a marketing scheme designed to put the movie in "the best position to succeed." Really though, it's just … Continue reading Sicario 2: Day of the Soldado
London Has Fallen
Release: Friday, March 4, 2016 [Netflix] Written by: Creighton Rothenberger; Katrin Benedikt; Christian Gudegast; Chad St. John Directed by: Babak Najafi London Has Fallen was a theatrical release I happened to miss out on and I am glad for having saved that money. Buying a bag of crack cocaine (which is what I did) would have been a better … Continue reading London Has Fallen
Special Correspondents
Release: Friday, April 29, 2016 (Netflix) [Netflix] Written by: Ricky Gervais Directed by: Ricky Gervais I'm suspicious of any movie that literally ends with the line "This is like the end of a movie." While exemplary of the meta flavor of comedy that's been en vogue since at least the mid-2000s, that line is also symptomatic of a … Continue reading Special Correspondents
The Do-Over
Release: Friday, May 27, 2016 (Netflix) [Netflix] Written by: Kevin Barnett; Chris Pappas Directed by: Steven Brill I will never be duped by another Adam Sandler movie again. I will never be duped by another Adam Sandler movie again. I will never be duped by another Adam Sandler movie again. I will never be duped by another Adam Sandler … Continue reading The Do-Over
The Brothers Grimsby
Release: Friday, March 11, 2016 [Theater] Written by: Sacha Baron Cohen; Phil Johnston; Peter Baynham Directed by: Louis Leterrier There's something about Sacha Baron Cohen that really makes you feel like a complete idiot. He's become really good at that because here I went, blinded by my own boredom, to a screening where I was the only viewer … Continue reading The Brothers Grimsby
Jurassic World
Release: Friday, June 12, 2015 [Theater] Written by: Colin Trevorrow; Rick Jaffa; Amanda Silver; Derek Connolly Directed by: Colin Trevorrow This movie makes me nostalgic for the days of Jurassic Park III and The Lost World. Jurassic World has nothing new to offer, and is more comfortable hugging close to its parent than wandering off on its own and … Continue reading Jurassic World
Get Hard
Release: Friday, March 27, 2015 [Theater] Written by: Etan Cohen; Jay Martel; Ian Roberts Directed by: Etan Cohen It speaks to the talents of Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart that Get Hard gets funny at all. This is easily one of the most racist and homophobic movies I've ever had the displeasure of reviewing. I'd like to clear … Continue reading Get Hard
Mortdecai
Release: Friday, January 23, 2015 [Theater] Written by: Eric Aronson Directed by: David Koepp Charlie Mortdecai has a sensitive gag reflex. He endearingly calls it a 'sympathetic gag.' After seeing Johnny Depp embrace an entirely new level of bizarre here, I'm pretty sure I've developed something similar, except mine's not out of sympathy. I'm genuinely disgusted by how bad … Continue reading Mortdecai
