Top That: Five Movies I Probably Shouldn’t Have Paid to See

I just can’t help myself. I’m debating whether or not to go see The Impractical Jokers Movie in theaters. It seems like this should be an easy ‘no,’ right? Especially when there are some good options out right now (The Lodge; The Photograph; The Invisible Man). Yet I’m having trouble resisting.

For those who don’t know, Impractical Jokers is a hidden-camera, prank-based show that debuted on TruTV back in 2011 and features a group of lifelong friends — Joe Gatto, James Murray, Brian Quinn and Sal Vulcano — who basically go around making fools of themselves in public. The half-hour long show is structured as a kind of game wherein the guys challenge each other to do all kinds of ridiculous things in public, often involving random strangers who happen to be nearby. It’s pass or fail. Whoever ends up with the most failed attempts at the end of the day gets put through one final round of humiliation. It’s all in the name of good, silly fun of course. How they’re going to pull this off in a full-length feature film I’m not sure. I like these guys but do I enjoy their antics enough to sit in a theater for 90 straight minutes of it? Better question: Can I not just wait until this thing comes on TV? Aren’t these shows best enjoyed from the comfort of your couch?

This has spurred me into thinking about some of the other poor decisions I have made when it comes to choosing what to see in theaters. So here is a Top That! post dedicated to this very concept. We’re going to keep this simple, limiting my “mistakes” to a top five rather than ten. Tell me — what was the dumbest thing you’ve spent money on at a theater?


Jackass: The Movie (that’s 1, 2 and 3) (2002; ’06; ’10) You’d think I would have gotten my fill after one or two, but no. I did the trifecta (and I consider these all the same movie pretty much so this all counts as one item). Sometimes I really do miss being in high school. Back then it was fun to gather a crew together and go laugh at these buffoons basically destroying themselves in the name of low-brow entertainment. Even then though I found the law of diminishing returns quickly setting in as we got to 3. I still find it amazing how out of all of this nonsense Johnny Knoxville actually emerged with his body and brain intact enough to go on to have minor success acting in actual movies, some of which really play to his “strengths” as an “actor,” others surprisingly managing to contain him. The same cannot be said for the others, though. Like, I wonder if Chris “Party Boy” Pontius is still running around in his banana hammock.

The Spongebob Squarepants Movie: Sponge Out of Water (2015) All I remember about this sequel to the 2004 Spongebob Squarepants Movie is that the 3D design is the stuff of nightmares. And yet they made this weird design not just a part of the experience, but pretty much the movie’s raison d’être. The story culminates, as you might have guessed, in Mr. Squarepants and friends venturing out of their comfort zone and breaching the ocean surface as they track down Antonio Banderas’ “diabolical” pirate Burger Beard, who has stolen the secret formula for Krusty the Krab’s famous Krabby Patty. A girl I used to live next door to had all kinds of Spongebob posters on her bedroom wall, so it would have made sense if we had seen this thing together. But no, I made the really bad call of tripping out to this one on my lonesome. Why would I ever do this again?

The Simpsons Movie (2007) This totally unnecessary extension of America’s longest-running sitcom apparently came out in 2007. That means I was about 20 years old when I saw this in theaters — old enough to know better. To know my extremely casual fandom of the show probably means I won’t be getting much out of the movie. The plot finds Homer doing Homer things, polluting Springfield’s water supply and causing the EPA to put the town under quarantine. The Simpsons are subsequently labeled fugitives. The only thing I remember about this utterly forgettable event is Homer riding a motorcycle up the glass dome the EPA encases the entire town in, and dropping an explosive device in the very convenient opening at the very tippy-top. Hey, I may not have really cared for the movie but it was a major success, grossing $530 million worldwide and becoming, at the time, the highest-grossing film ever based on an animated show. There’s a happy ending for ya.

Fifty Shades of Grey (2015) In my review of this rather flaccid romance/mystery thingy, I described it as a car wreck. Well, I described the critical response as a car wreck. This really dull movie was the car. The notoriously troubled production bore itself in the final print. The performances are as stiff as Morning Wood. Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey and Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele have zero chemistry. The drama is listless and is paced like a snail. I went to see the cinematic adaptation of the book that had gained “global phenomenon” status because . . . well, I was curious. Needless to say, I didn’t do that again. I heard the sequels were even worse.

Movie 43 (2013) Arguably the worst movie I have seen since starting this blog in 2011, and among the first handful of reviews I posted. (Check it out here, if you dare.) The intensely negative buzz surrounding its release was not enough to stop me and a buddy from checking this out. Not for nothing, but this absolute dumpster fire of an “insult comedy,” one that inexplicably attracted a massive cast, became a conversation piece. “Can you believe how terrible that movie was?” I still can’t, actually, no. I lost respect for a lot of the actors involved here. I think we all did.


All content originally published and the reproduction elsewhere without the expressed written consent of the blog owner is prohibited. 

Photo credits: Distractify; Amazon; IMDb

Month in Review: September ’18

To encourage a bit more variety in my blogging posts and to help distance this site from the one of old, I’m installing this monthly post where I summarize the previous month’s activity in a wraparound that will hopefully give people the chance to go back and find stuff they might have missed, as well as keep them apprised of any changes or news that happened that month.

Non-sports fans feel free to skip these first paragraphs. I won’t feel bad if you aren’t all that interested in reading my little rant over the state of Tennessee football in 2018. Actually, I won’t even know. For movie coverage, head below the thin gray line. (See what I did there?)

Jeremy Pruitt — an x-factor, or just another ex? 

Photo credit: the Knoxville News Sentinel (knoxnews.com)

While movies are constantly being released, the college football season is a fleeting thing. And maybe thank the pigskin gods for that because folks, this year’s gonna be a rough one. At least if you call Rocky Top Tennessee home. The Volunteers are, uh . . . well, it’s a rebuilding year as they say. That means in 2018 preparing for more Ls than Ws, especially when you’re rooted in the Southeastern Conference, arguably the toughest place to play in all of football. And this year it also appears to mean, if you’re Jarrett Guarantano anyway, picking up your mouthguard after getting slammed in the gut after every single play.

For those on the outside, and possibly under a rock: In an attempt to move beyond the mess of the Butch Jones mid-season firing (some will say the Butch Jones era), this year we’ve picked up an Imperial Alabama defector in former defensive coordinator Jeremy Pruitt. He’s the fourth guy in the last decade to give this thing a crack. Since the sacking of long-time HC Phillip Fulmer in 2008, we’ve been Lane Kiffen’ed (7-6 overall; 4-4 in-conference in 2009 before his Houdini act at the eleventh hour left us after one season again headcoach-less), then were Derek Dooleyed (15-21 over three historically bad seasons for a Vol coach with a multi-year deal). Then Mr. Jones, who went 84-54 over four seasons, butchered it all in his 2017 and final season, one in which we didn’t come out on top once against our conference opponents. And, unfortunately through five games played thus far, in which we are 2-3 (0-2 in the SEC), right now it’s looking increasingly more like Jeremy Blewit.

If it seems like I am prematurely hitting the panic button, consider that our newly minted Coach was seen kicking a whiteboard on the sideline when things went sideways in the 2018 Great Florida-Tennessee Debacle — the 47-21 final score not all that indicative of the farce that unfolded that day. Consider the leadership role he’s fulfilling and the optics of him flipping his shit in his very first meaningful game, one that also happened to coincide with the 20th anniversary of the 1998 victory over the Gators. This meant that while he was out there going all Terence Fletcher on his players, members of that championship team were bearing witness to it all from either the stands or the sidelines. Consider that, to his former boss Nick Saban, the undisputed master of the modern collegiate game, Pruitt is now officially a part of the Rebel Alliance and must be destroyed. On Saturday, October 20 watch as the Evil Empire of college football, the Alabama Crimson Tide, rolls into town and reminds him of what he’s left behind.

To me, it isn’t that Pruitt needs to prove he’s got this big, winning personality — that would be a nifty plus — he just needs to show he’s capable of being an x-factor. That some of that Alabama Toughness can rub off on us. (Maybe that’s what he was trying to impart there with the white board incident. The board sure held tough.) For all that we have gone through, and are about to go through in this daunting schedule, let us hope he at least has the composure to make some of these nasty SEC clashes interesting. Interesting in a GOOD way. I don’t hold any pretense of him being our Nick Saban, or even a second coming of Phil Fulmer. But is it too much to expect a better end to the season than the quite frankly embarrassing way in which it has opened up? I don’t think it is.


New Posts

New Releases: Searching; BlacKkKlansman; Operation Finale; White Boy Rick


Around the Blogosphere 

First, a side note. How many of you are currently using the new Gutenberg editor WP has just started to roll out? How have you been liking it? I’m a creature of habit and haven’t really experimented with it but the block-style formatting seems pretty convenient.

As to blogging itself — man, there has been a flurry of activity from two of my go-to sites recently, Cinema Axis and Assholes Watching Movies. Both have provided extensive coverage of the 2018 Toronto International Film Festival. There are so many titles that I have just been introduced to I’m honestly kind of intimidated. I can’t even name two titles that I most want to see.

Meanwhile, Ryan has updated us on this month’s batch of horror releases. It’s October, so you know the pickings have to be pretty good. Head on over to his site here and have a look at what’s coming to theaters near you as well as VOD.


Recent (Re-)Viewings 

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (review here). I was way too harsh on this film when I first saw and reviewed it. The essence of that piece boiled down to me perceiving an “excess of fan service.” I was kinda right, but at the same time wildly swinging for the critical fences. Well aware of its rather simple and generic plot, I am nonetheless finding myself being gradually more persuaded by the Force thanks to regular re-watches of this 2016 spinoff in recent weeks, twice in September alone. Despite my less-than-five-star review, I’ve really come to love a lot about this movie — perhaps more than anything the casting, from Felicity Jones’ Jyn Erso and Mads Mikkelsen as her Imperial scientist father to Alan Tudyk voicing the highly sarcastic droid K-2SO, to Ben Mendelsohn as the slimy Orson Krennic and his ridiculously OTT “FIIIIIIRE!!!!!!” commands. That said, I am still less sold on Forrest Whitaker in the Star Wars universe. That’s right up there with Benecio Del Toro appearing in The Last Jedi. But the spirit of this adventure (and eventual suicide mission) and its significance in the grander scheme has really made a Star Wars fan out of me. About time, eh?

Sunshine — Danny Boyle, 2007.

A fellow blogger might recall reviewing this for my site way back in the day, when I was running a feature called Bite Sized Reviews (rest in digital peace). I told her after reading her take on it that I couldn’t wait to check it out. My Bite Sized Reviews thread has been defunct for over three years. Oops. But better late than never, because this might be at the top of the list when it comes to favorite Danny Boyle movies. 28 Days Later is great, but so the fuck is Sunshine. From the soothing yet terrifying solar flare-steeped visuals to the swelling, gorgeously ambient score — melancholic, but never depressing or too down-beat — to the mind-bending twisty science-fiction stuff at the end, Sunshine is a movie you don’t just watch, you feel it.


Go Big 🍊 !!!

Decades Blogathon – There Will Be Blood (2007)

To cap off the Decades ’17 edition, here’s Mark’s stellar look at the much-celebrated and discussed Paul Thomas Anderson epic, There Will Be Blood. You won’t want to miss this review! Thanks once again everyone!

three rows back

Well, we’ve arrived at the final day of the Decades Blogathon – ‘7’ edition. Just as with the previous two years, it’s been a lot of fun with a host of fascinating and diverse reviews from across the board. Thanks to everyone who has taken part this year; you are all on my Christmas card list! However, my biggest thanks must go to by fellow blogathon buddy Tom – his site Thomas J is one I have followed as long as I’ve been doing this blogging game and his talent for insightful and engaging reviews has only grown over the years.This year’s blogathon focuses on movies that were released in the seventh year of the decade and for this final day, you’re getting a review of Paul Thomas Anderson’s 2007 masterpiece There Will Be Blood from yours truly. See you again next year!

Just as cinema became the preeminent…

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Decades Blogathon – Zodiac (2007)

And here’s review #2 for Day 5. It’s a review from Zoe of The Sporadic Chronicles of a Beginner Blogger, and she’s here to talk about David Fincher’s Zodiac from 2007. Please do check it out!

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Welcome to Week 2, Day 5 of the Decades Blogathon – ‘7’ edition – hosted by myself and the awesome Tom from Thomas J.For those who don’t know, the blogathon focuses on movies that were released in the seventh year of the decade. Tom and I are running a different entry each day (we’ll also reblog the other’s post) and today it’s the turn of the one and only Zoe from the one and only Sporadic Chronicles of a Beginner Blogger who, unlike director David Fincher only needs one take to nail the 2007 true crime classic Zodiac.

“I need to stand there, I need to look him in the eye and I need to know that it’s him.” – Robert Graysmith

SYNOPSIS: A serial killer in the San Francisco Bay area taunts police with his letters and cryptic messages. We follow the investigators and reporters in…

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Decades Blogathon — Mr. Brooks (2007)

Decades ‘7’ edition rolls on with day three and a more modern release, the Kevin Costner-starring crime thriller Mr. Brooks from 2007. This review is brought to you by Drew of Drew Reviews Movies, a blog I’ve been following for some time now. You should absolutely check it out if you like conversational, fun reviews with a different kind of rating system. (And, as longtime readers of this site are aware, I do appreciate unorthodox rating systems.) Now let me step aside and let Drew take over.


Synopsis

Mr. Brooks (Kevin Costner) is a successful businessman and philanthropist. However, he hides a terrible secret: he is addicted to killing and is the serial murderer known as the Thumbprint Killer. After his latest kill, he is approached by a man calling himself Mr. Smith (Dane Cook) who witnessed the killing and agrees not to go to the police if Mr. Brooks takes him on his next murder.  Meanwhile, Detective Atwood (Demi Moore) is on the search for the Thumbprint Killer.


Review  

Mr. Brooks feels demented in all of the right places. When it comes to Kevin Costner, I have decently high expectations. Or I should say, I can count on him to not give a bad performance.  As the titular Earl Brooks, he doesn’t disappoint.  It is clear that Earl might put on a visage but underneath he is struggling to keep his inner demon in check. Costner easily switches from a calm, cool father and businessman to a serious and broken killer.  However, the star of the movie is William Hurt as Marshall, Earl’s “inner demon,” an imaginary friend of Earl.  Throughout the movie, Marshall is constantly pushing Earl to give into his cravings and kill. Hurt is simply maniacal as Marshall. Every scene of his had me leaning towards the screen, intrigued and caught up in his performance. Stand-up comedian Dane Cook traditionally does comedic roles in movies (surprise, surprise), so Mr. Smith was a different kind of role for him. I’m curious to see how the part would have been different if someone who traditionally acts in thrillers had been in the role, but Cook was good for what it was.

I really liked that Earl’s subconscious was personified as Marshall. This almost gives a scapegoat of sorts to Earl’s actions, almost like it was Marshall who pushes Earl towards killing, despite his reservations. It also creates some interesting questions. How long has Marshall been around? Is he a childhood imaginary friend or was he created when Earl started killing? Was he created to deflect Earl’s actions from himself? The concept isn’t wholly original but the implementation is unique. There is a subplot where Detective Atwood (Demi Moore) is dealing with her divorce that contributes to the plot very little. It could be removed, or at least trimmed down, to keep the focus on Mr. Brooks and Mr. Smith.

I thought Mr. Brooks was GOOD 🙂 Kevin Costner gives a good performance as the two-faced business man but the scene-stealer is William Hurt as his imaginary friend, Marshall.  Some might say that this film goes on for one scene too long (literally one scene) but it leaves Mr. Brooks in a precarious place either way. One thing is for certain, you’ll think twice about who people truly are on the inside despite what you see on the outside.


Trailer  


Cast & Crew  

Bruce A. Evans – Director / Writer

Raynold Gideon – Writer

Ramin Djawadi – Composer

Kevin Costner – Mr. Earl Brooks

Dane Cook – Mr. Smith

Demi Moore – Det. Tracy Atwood

William Hurt – Marshall

Marg Helgenberger – Emma Brooks

Danielle Panabaker – Jane Brooks

Ruben Santiago-Hudson – Det. Hawkins

Aisha Hinds – Nancy Hart

Lindsay Crouse – Captain Lister

Jason Lewis – Jesse Vialo

Reiko Aylesworth – Sheila (Jesse’s Lawyer)

Matt Schulze – Thorton Meeks


Photo credits: http://www.imdb.com 

Decades Blogathon – Death At A Funeral (2007)

As promised, the re-blogged review of Death at a Funeral (2007), brought to you by Gill of the blog Realweegiemidget. It can be found on Three Rows Back! Thanks everyone!

three rows back

Decades 17Welcome to Day 1 of the Decades Blogathon – ‘7’ edition – hosted by myself and Tom from the brilliant blog Thomas J!The blogathon focuses on movies that were released in the seventh year of the decade. Tom and I are running a different entry each day (we’ll also reblog the other’s post) and for today I’m very pleased to welcome Gill from Realweegiemidget Reviews, who is covering 2007’s British black comedy Death At A Funeral.

After a tip off from a good friend and blogger I heard the Decades Blogathon was looking for posts for its yearly extravaganza. Being late to joining last year, with my review of About Last Night (1986), I was keen to join this year’s fun. I requested to do this movie, a dark British comedy with a favourite TV actress Keeley Hawes from Ashes To Ashes (2008-10). I envied Hawes for…

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TBT: Superbad (2007)

Time to break out your favorite JanSport backpack, No.2 pencils and loose leaf notebook paper boys and girls, because it’s once again time to go back to hell school in this second edition of Throwback to School September. (Catchy phrase, right?) Fortunately in this world, all you’ll really need is a backpack to throw in some illegally purchased bottles of liquor as you seek high school celebrity status in 

Today’s food for thought: Superbad.

Becoming McLovin’ since: August 17, 2007

[DVD]

Instead of offering my thoughts on this raucous comedy from the dirty minds of Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, I figured I’d once again do something a little different with this TBT and list the ten things I was reminded of about high school having watched this movie. I will just say that one thing that works in this film’s favor, aside from the ideal casting of Jonah Hill, Michael Cera and Christopher Mintz-Plasse — all three physically embodying high school seniors while simultaneously fully embracing their juvenile mentality — is a script that tells it like it is. After all, Superbad was never a film you wanted to watch with the parents, it’s too awkward. Just like high school.

TEN THINGS ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL SUPERBAD REMINDED ME OF

#1) Hormones dictate every decision (and purchase) you make.

#2) We gave teachers way too much shit. They’re too underpaid to be this under-appreciated, even if half of what they taught us we never ended up using.

#3) Some cliché about how generally useless P.E. classes were. Why couldn’t high school have recess, like the good old elementary school days? And why did we have to wear those tatty shirts that were cribbed from a Wal-Mart dumpster?

635730030912993969-954295581_superbad1

#4) Of all the rites of passages, getting your driver’s license was one of the greatest because it meant you could go and hang out with your friends whenever you wanted. Only drawback? Being 16 and having a curfew.

#5) Going to a party where you didn’t really know anyone and where everyone was older than you was the most uncomfortable thing ever. Especially when you found out that some of them were coked out of their minds.

#6) Teenage crushes. Awwwwwwww

#7) Every year there seemed to be at least one major fight. We’d always gather in the parking lot of The Fresh Market to see who would win. Most of the time all they amounted to was a bunch of shouting and insults regarding a certain female parental unit. But every once in awhile we were treated to a spectacular showdown.

#8) Peer pressure could be a bitch.

#9) Adults seemed lame at the time. (Spoiler alert: they still are.)

#10) Senior year is a bittersweet time. Friendships are fleeting, and who knows where everyone ends up in college. The trick is to make the most of what time you have left together.


Recommendation: One of the definitive movies about the high school experience, Superbad is a must-watch, especially if you’re facing your ten year high school reunion. Endowed with an incredible script that’s essentially a pervert’s stream of consciousness, and armed with superb performances from its entire cast Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg struck comedic gold with their story that’s loosely based on their own experiences. Pretty much a modern classic. 

Rated: R

Running Time: 113 mins.

TBTrivia: When this was being filmed, Christopher Mintz-Plasse was 17 years old and so his mother had to be present on set during his sex scene. I guess for some, the awkwardness from high school never goes away.

All content originally published and the reproduction elsewhere without the expressed written consent of the blog owner is prohibited.

Photo credits: http://www.imgkid.com; http://www.mr-movie.com; http://www.imgur.com; http://www.imgarcade.com; http://www.youtube.com; http://www.ifc.com; http://www.rottentomatoes.com; http://www.fanpop.com; http://www.imdb.com