Clown

Release: Friday, June 17, 2016 (limited) [Theater] Written by: Jon Watts; Christopher D. Ford Directed by: Jon Watts Jon Watts’ body horror film, a production slotted directly between his much-acclaimed debut thriller Cop Car and his shot at making Spider-Man cool again (again) is simple and direct. Unfortunately Clown is so stripped down it pretty much fails to register atContinue reading “Clown”

Hellions

  Release: Friday, September 18, 2015 (limited) [Netflix] Written by: Pascal Trottier Directed by: Bruce McDonald So if your ‘Netflix-and-chill’ night ever came down to a choice between sitting in total awkward silence and putting on a movie called Hellions, you’d be better off trying your luck with complete silence. Go ahead, make it as uncomfortable as possibleContinue reading “Hellions”

Jupiter Ascending

Release: Friday, February 6, 2015 [Theater] Written by:  The Wachowskis Directed by: The Wachowskis As Jupiter ascended, my patience and enthusiasm did precisely the opposite, and at warp speed, too. After production delays stalled the Wachowski siblings’ follow-up to their impressive Cloud Atlas, I still held out hope that even with extensive CGI surgery the general experience would remain unaffected. IContinue reading “Jupiter Ascending”

Mortdecai

Release: Friday, January 23, 2015 [Theater] Written by: Eric Aronson Directed by: David Koepp Charlie Mortdecai has a sensitive gag reflex. He endearingly calls it a ‘sympathetic gag.’ After seeing Johnny Depp embrace an entirely new level of bizarre here, I’m pretty sure I’ve developed something similar, except mine’s not out of sympathy. I’m genuinely disgusted by how badContinue reading “Mortdecai”

Blackhat

Release: Friday, January 16, 2015 [Theater] Written by: Morgan Davis Foehl Directed by: Michael Mann Even with an hilariously miscast Chris Hemsworth, Blackhat is utterly forgettable. Something that’s less forgettable is its horrendous opening weekend performance. Set against a budget of $70 million, Michael Mann’s cybercrime would-be-thriller brought in a grand total of $1.7 million in its debut, necessarily deeming BlackhatContinue reading “Blackhat”

TBT: End of Days (1999)

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEEPS! My friends, get used to using the time stamp ‘2015.’ Because it is a brand new year, I think it’s definitely time for TBT to stage a comeback. I’m finally feeling refreshed on this thread, and I have quite a ridiculous number to blabber on about today. What’s tall, strong andContinue reading “TBT: End of Days (1999)”