Release: Friday, December 13, 2019 (Netflix) →Netflix Written by: Paul Wernick; Rhett Reese Directed by: Michael Bay It's my fourth week of isolation and while we've got a way to go still before we can socially un-distance, I'm pretty sure I've just hit a low point. I am now inviting Michael Bay in to my living room to … Continue reading 6 Underground
#bad
The Meg
Release: Friday, August 10, 2018 →Theater Written by: Dean Georgaris; Jon and Erich Hoeber Directed by: Jon Turteltaub More like . . . The Meh. I really couldn't give a shark shit about this movie, but here goes this anyway. It says something about Jason Statham's box office pull that I found my tingling buttocks planted in a … Continue reading The Meg
The Cloverfield Paradox
Release: Sunday, February 4, 2018 (Netflix) →Netflix Written by: Oren Uziel Directed by: Julius Onah The Cloverfield Paradox, a surprise addition to the Cloverfield collection which debuted on the heels of Super Bowl LII, is itself an experiential paradox. How did I just sacrifice an hour and forty-five minutes of my time and yet feel like I watched nothing … Continue reading The Cloverfield Paradox
Why Him?
Release: Friday, December 23, 2016 [Theater] Written by: John Hamburg; Ian Helfer Directed by: John Hamburg My biggest gripe with Why Him? It's actually not that it represents yet another painfully unfunny Christmas comedy. Well, it kind of is. I'm dismayed more because it is a painfully unfunny Christmas comedy starring James Franco and Bryan Cranston. Bryan Cranston! Also … Continue reading Why Him?
Assassin’s Creed
Release: Wednesday, December 21, 2016 [Theater] Written by: Michael Lesslie; Adam Cooper; Bill Collage Directed by: Justin Kurzel Assassin's Creed is simply not interesting enough for those who never played the game. You might fairly ask me why I would choose to sit through a movie based on a video game I never played. Um, I was expecting the acting pedigree … Continue reading Assassin’s Creed
Rules Don’t Apply
Release: Wednesday, November 23, 2016 [Theater] Written by: Warren Beaty Directed by: Warren Beaty Toothaches. Internet trolls. Airport pat-downs. These are but a few things that grate on the nerves less than Warren Beaty's new film. In Rules Don't Apply, an ambitious driver tries to make it with a devout Baptist and aspiring actress who in turn tries to make it … Continue reading Rules Don’t Apply
Inferno
Release: Friday, October 28, 2016 [Theater] Written by: David Koepp Directed by: Ron Howard Ron Howard is a fairly prolific filmmaker, having maintained a schedule of roughly a film every two years throughout a 40-plus-year long directorial career. He's not quite Woody Allen but his oeuvre is extensive enough to suggest the guy just likes staying busy, and it certainly … Continue reading Inferno
Keeping Up with the Joneses
Release: Friday, October 21, 2016 [Theater] Written by: Michael LeSieur Directed by: Greg Mottola For those who have been keeping track, Keeping Up with the Joneses is the second Zach Galifianakis film to be released in as many months, and it too is terrible. It too is a silly film, a very, very silly film. What's worse is that … Continue reading Keeping Up with the Joneses
Masterminds
Release: Friday, September 30, 2016 [Theater] Written by: Chris Bowman; Hubbel Palmer; Emily Spivey Directed by: Jared Hess Masterminds didn't need to be masterfully made to be effective, but a little discipline could have gone a long way. Directed by Jared Hess (Napoleon Dynamite; Nacho Libre), the film is a comedic dramatization of the October 1997 Loomis Fargo bank robbery that … Continue reading Masterminds
London Has Fallen
Release: Friday, March 4, 2016 [Netflix] Written by: Creighton Rothenberger; Katrin Benedikt; Christian Gudegast; Chad St. John Directed by: Babak Najafi London Has Fallen was a theatrical release I happened to miss out on and I am glad for having saved that money. Buying a bag of crack cocaine (which is what I did) would have been a better … Continue reading London Has Fallen
