This particular usage of the former Mister Universe is so much fun I almost want to dedicate all TBT‘s this month to Arnie. Although I would simply love to analyze his endearing accent to death all month long, it is December after all and, let’s face it — I couldn’t really get away with not seeking out all movies mistletoe-y and Santa Clause-y. These films are all going to be movies that I flat-out love (though the critical score at the bottom may not always show it), and the goal here is to start with my “least” favorite-favorite, and move towards what I believe is the film that defines this particular season; coincidentally it’s one of my favorites ever made. Despite premature Christmas jingles being more annoying than having your prized action figure snatched out of your hands by some overzealous mail delivery dude, there’s nothing wrong with getting into the spirit of things early by diving headfirst into the season via movie reviews. . . right? I don’t think there is, anyway. And now that I’ve got that out of the way, IT’S TURBO TIME!!!
Today’s food for thought: Jingle All the Way.
Release: November 22, 1996
Arnie and Sinbad team up to provide a holiday comedy that is nearly too silly for it’s own stockings. Both star as fathers turning to desperate measures to obtain their kids’ Christmas gifts, which just happen to be this year’s mega hot item. And yes, it may look like a fictitious rip-off of a Power Rangers action figure, the Turbo Man doll is actually the coolest, most awesome gift you could get your child this holiday season. Unfortunately, Arnie, as Howard Langston, always puts work before family and is consequently not involved in his son Jamie’s life too much. He has this one opportunity, though, to prove A) he’s not a completely absentee dad and B) that he can maybe even avoid divorce, as his relationship with wife Liz (Rita Wilson) isn’t exactly great either.
Sinbad plays a similarly desperate father. Myron has poor relationships with family too, and after spending all day determined to get a hold of this special Turbo Man doll, he insists that he and Howard are the same person deep down. More than Howard cares to admit. The two chuckleheads come across one another while waiting for stores to open on Christmas Day, because both have appropriately procrastinated in getting their precious doll until now. Surrounded by a mob of equally crazed shoppers, Howard and Myron start off exchanging pleasantries until it becomes clear to Howard that this guy might be mentally unstable.
It turns out not to be such an easy task, claiming one of these highly sought-after plastic toys. Situations slowly get out of hand as despair changes from the mob mentality to becoming a personal battle between Myron and Howard. While it’s difficult to say whether Myron and Howard’s relationship was really legit from the start, as the day progresses things get hilariously more hostile between the two.
Along the way they bump into some other caricatures that help set Jingle All the Way a few mistletoes apart from other Christmas comedies. I can’t go as far as saying there’s material in here that’s offensive, but a few moments — particularly the Santa showdown scene — offer up lines that adult viewers will find more comical than the film’s necessarily younger, less mature target audience, and more importantly, worthwhile sitting through this Christmas farce.
Fortunately, this is mostly “for the kitz,” as Howard would say in his thick Austrian accent. The movie’s slapstick humor conveniently and, for the most part, successfully diverts the viewer’s attention away from the fact that this movie skimps on character development, dialogue and story, and more towards just having a good time. Oh, what fun it is to ride in Howard’s SUV as he charges around the city finding someone who will sell him a little plastic action figure. And to also poke fun of all the ways in which selling Christmas is downright kitschy. Indeed, this is a film that oftentimes shows the dark side to what is otherwise perceived as the happiest, brightest time of the year.
- The Mall of America scene. Bad Arnie, don’t you know people generally frown upon grown men chasing children (who are not their own) through an indoor playground? The little kid may have the lottery number you need, but you’re lucky all you got was beaten by angry mothers and their purses.
- Feeding reindeer beer. Shame on you, Mr. Langston. That’s sick.
- Sinbad’s bomb in the mail trick. Sure, it was only grumpy Officer Hummell, but this particular gag might have been a bit overreaching, particular in light of recent national tragedies. Still, it was kind of funny at the time.
- Not showing up to your kid’s karate class graduation.
- Sinbad as the Dementor. What a bully. Was it just inevitable that he wound up symbolizing evil after all he and Howard go through together. . .? Methinks not.
- Justified violence as comedy. Fighting counterfeit toy-makers disguised as Santa Clause(s) was actually an act of self-defense and thereby justifiable. Otherwise, this would go on the Naughty List because who in their right mind would sucker-punch St. Nick?!
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife. Literally. More justified violence in the form of hot coffee in the face may become necessary when your name is Ted and you’re knowingly making inappropriate advances on Howard’s wife.
- Howard eventually does offer an apology to Officer Hummell. . .dressed as Turbo Man.
- “. . .AND A ROCK-EM, SOCK-EM JETPACK!!!”
- Jamie gives the doll to it’s rightful (?) owner at the end, because he’s got the real Turbo Man at home!
Recommendation: Kudos to director Brian Levant for trying to parody Christmas shopping and the stress it puts on people, even if it goes far and beyond reasonable at times. Jingle All the Way cannot be viewed as anything other than a silly 90-ish minutes to gather family around and watch Arnie get his over-sized body out of bizarre situations. One of my favorites from my childhood, I shamefully have not returned to this for years.
Running Time: 88 mins.
Quoted: “Put that cookie down. NOW!”
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