And so we end the month of June on a hilarious note. This week’s TBT is nothing short of a classic. Or some say, at least. If you were to poll the majority of my friends, they’d all agree. Ryan, I know you do. Thanks for this suggestion, also. I haven’t seen it in forever and it was nice to get back together with Harry and Lloyd. This may not be the most intellectually stimulating film ever made, but this little gem from the mid-90s generated more laughs (and still does to this day) than some of the better attempts at comedies that have come out within the past decade. Some that have come out lately seem at least to be reaching for greatness, but I am yet to find one that achieves this status as effortlessly and memorably as the story of this duo of lovable chuckleheads.

Today’s food for thought: Dumb and Dumber. 

Release: December 16, 1994

[DVD]

Never before has a buddy-buddy comedy been so uproariously. . .  well, dumb. Jeff Daniels and Jim Carrey put on their goofiest faces (and hairstyles) ever as they step into their roles as Harry Dunne and Lloyd Christmas (respectively). They’re two sweet-natured guys who are severely lacking in brain cells, or at least just enough to not realize that sometimes a forgotten briefcase at the airport sometimes isn’t “forgotten,” it’s left behind on purpose.

The pair are not exactly the most employable people ever, and unsurprisingly both struggle to keep the current jobs they have — Lloyd as a limo driver; Harry as a dog groomer. After his last passenger, a woman named Mary Swanson, leaves her briefcase at the airport, Lloyd does everything in his power to track her down and return it to her, but alas he fails (hilariously). That’s when he decides the pair of them will embark on a cross-country excursion to return the precious luggage to her, using Harry’s Mutt Cutts van as their source of transportation. On the way, they consistently make fools of themselves, to the point of basically setting a new standard of silly at the movies.

This film is just so memorable that the film is easy to recall even without having it in front of you, on the script’s merits alone. I’ll prove it by inserting some of the best dialogue from the film, and it’s hopefully as close to chronological as possible. If not, well then…I tried! If you want to re-arrange or see something that needs changing up, COMMENT BELOW!!! See if this jogs the old memory! Let the Harry and Lloyd banter begin.

• “There’s really nothing to worry about, Mary. [turns around in driver’s seat to face her] Statistically they say you’re more likely to get killed on the way to the airport, you know, like in a head-on crash or flying off a cliff or getting trapped under a gas truck — that’s the worst! I have this cousin, well. . . ya know, I had this cousin. . . .”

• “So where are you headin’?”
•  “Aspen.”
• “Hmm…California. Beautiful!”

• “So you got fired again, eh?”
• “Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know?”
• “Yeah, well, I lost my job too.”
• “Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.”
• “No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass, though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost two hundred.”
• “Heck, chicks love it. It’s a shaggin’ wagon.”

• “Sir, you can’t go in there!”
• “It’s okay, I’m a limo driver!”

• “What’s with the briefcase?”
• “A love memento. The most beautiful woman alive. I drove her to the airport. Sparks flew. Emotions ran high. She actually talked to me, man!!”

• “What’s her last name? I’ll look it up.”
• “You know, I don’t really recall. Starts with an ‘S’! Let’s see…Swim? Swammi? Slippy? Slappy? Swenson? Swanson?”
• “Maybe it’s on the briefcase.”
• “Oh yeah, its right here.”
• [reading the briefcase manufacturer name] “Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an ‘S,’ though.”

• “What the hell are we doing here, Harry? We gotta get out of this town!”
• “Oh yeah? And go where? Where are we gonna go?”
• “I’ll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I’m talking about a little place called Aspen.”
• “Oh, I don’t know Lloyd. The French are assholes…”

• “Briefcase ain’t here, they must’ve taken it with them.”
• “Well he’s gotta come home sometime.”
• “Maybe we should trash the place, send them a little message.”
• “I don’t think he’s gonna get that message, Joe, I mean the guy’s got worms in his living room.”

• “What did you sell him, Lloyd?”
• “Stuff.”
• What kinda stuff…?”
• “I don’t know, a few baseball cards, a sack of marbles, . . . [coughs] Petey.”
• “You sold my dead bird to a blind kid? Lloyd! Petey didn’t even have a head!”
• “Harry, I took care of it. . . “

• “Would you like an atomic pepper, Mr. Mentalino?”

• “They’re driving an ’84. . . . sheepdog.”

• “Pull over!”
• “No, it’s a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!”
• “Yeah, killer boots man!”

• “Tic-tac, sir?”

• “No, you can’t do that! You can’t triple-stamp a double-stamp, you can’t triple-stamp a double-stamp! Lloyd!”
• [hands over ears] “LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!”
• “LLOYD! LLOYD! LLOYD! LLOYD!”

• “Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?”

• “I’ve got room for one more if you still want to go to Aspen…”
• “Where did you find that?”
• “Some kid back in town..traded the van for it, straight up. I can get 70 miles to the gallon on this hog.”
• “You know, Lloyd? Just when I think you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this….and totally redeem yourself!”

• “I’m ready for commitment, Harry. First time I ever set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old-fashioned romantic feeling, where I’d do anything to bone her.”
• “That’s a special feeling, Lloyd.”
• “How about you go over and introduce yourself, build me up, that way I don’t have to brag about myself later. Tell her I’m rich, and I’m good-looking, and I have, uh…a rapist’s wit…”

• “I don’t get it, Lloyd. She told me ten o’clock, sharp! Are you sure you went to the right bar?”
• “Yep. I’m pretty sure. Lobby bar right by the lobby. [sighs] Maybe she had a change of heart.”
• “Oh that pisses me off! That pisses me right off! I hate when women do that. She wanted to see you again? And now no? Now…Wait a minute! Wait! She must’ve meant ten 0’clock at night!”
• “Do you think?”
• “Why would she have you meet her in a bar at ten in the morning?”
• “I just figured she was a raging alcoholic.”

• “I’m gonna give you my number. Let’s see if I can find it. . .”
• “Great! [Harry sees that his leg has caught fire] HA!!”
• “Okay, I know I left it in here somewhere…”
• [stomping his left leg] “Look! Why don’t you just tell it to me! I have a really good memory!”
• “Well, the number is 5-5-5….”
• [Harry mouths the numbers, trying to remember all the while still burning]
• “9-0-5…oh wait! That’s my home number. That is so weird how your mind just goes plain — “
• “FOR GOD’S SAKE! JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN NUMBER!”
• “Okay. Look guy, you’re gonna get pushy, FORGET ABOUT IT!” [Beth drives off, Harry bails for the bathroom to put his leg out]

• “I want to ask you a question…straight-out, flat-out. . . and I want you to give me an honest answer. What do you think the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me….ending up together?”
• “Well, Lloyd, that’s difficult to say. You really don’t….”
• “Hit me! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?”
• “Not good.”
• “You mean, not good, like one out of a hundred?”
• “I’d say more like, one out of a million.”
• “So you’re telling me there is a chance! YEAH!”

• “She actually talked to me, Har!”
• “Get outta here!”

• “Okay, so you’ll pick me up at seven forty-five?”
• “Well, I’ve got a few things to take care of. So how about we make it quarter to eight?”
• [laughing] “Stop it.”
• “Okay. Seven forty-five.”

• “Flush, you bastard.”

• “Weirdo.”
• “Sucker of big, brown dirty eggs.”
• “Moron.”
• “Raider of the lost fart.”
• “Buttfish.”
• “Masterbatorio….er, soiler of towels!”
• “SHUT UP!”

• “I can’t believe this, Lloyd. First, Mary dumps us, then the cops take our nest egg, then our hog breaks down!”
• “Yeah! When are we ever going to catch a break?!” [Hawaiian Tropic tour bus pulls up beside them]
• “Hey, guys! We’re going on a national bikini tour, and we’re looking for two oil guys who can grease us up before each competition.”
• “You are in luck! There’s a town about three miles that way, I’m sure you’ll find a couple guys there.”
• “…okay, thanks….”
• “Do you realize what you’ve done!?!” [both start sprinting after the bus]
• “Hey! Hey!!! You’ll have to excuse my friend, he’s a little slow…the town is back THAT way.” [points in opposite direction]

 

Recommendation: If you are a fan of this type of outrageously dumb fun and comedy, you’ve seen this already. Probably multiple times. For those out there who really love their comedies that have great replay value, Dumb and Dumber is certainly up there. A true classic. If you don’t find yourself getting invested in characters who are mentally stunted and play that fact throughout the entire movie, probably best to stay clear of this, as you more than likely have been doing for 20 years! 🙂

Rated: PG-13

Running Time: 107 mins.

Best Scene:

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